Life Goes On
by Dianne Collier
As the HMCS Iroquois glided through Halifax Harbour on it’s way to the Gulf of Oman, family and friends remained on the jetty, watching their loved ones as they sailed into the open sea. “I watched the sail past and when I could no longer make out his facial features, I lost it.” Emotions, always close to the surface as families say goodbye one more time, sometimes just cannot be contained. “At one point in the sail past there was complete silence – it was eerie, then an older man shouted ‘We love you, God speed’. Through the crowd a child’s voice was heard ‘We love you Dad’. This prompted a happy little boy of about three to look up at his mother and immediately burst into tears”. Once more, military families called on their inner strength to help them get through another long separation.
With only 10 days notice that the ship would be sailing, there wasn’t much time for families to prepare for this important separation nor was that a normal preparation time to ready the ship. But what the public rarely takes into consideration is the tremendous organizational skills our military possesses. It was very evident during the Red River floods in Winnipeg several years ago when the 1st Battalion, The Royal Canadian Regiment was tasked to help with flood control. With vehicles and equipment already lined up on the parade square in Petawawa, ON ready to depart for an exercise in Gagetown, NB the unit made a complete about face, repacking vehicles and reorganizing well over several hundred personnel to help in this civil disaster – all in a few days.
A very important part of life in the military community today are the military family resource centres (MFRC) – which are established on every military base. Offering a wide variety of programs to meet the family’s needs whether their partners are away or at home, the MFRC plays a pivotal role in assisting DND reaching out to families. Much has changed with family support since the days of the Iran/Iraq War. The MFRCs have come into their own in the last 14 years, and our military leaders appreciate the value these support networks provide. Even with only 10 days notice before the HMCS Iroquois was to depart, a family briefing, described by attendees as “Excellent.” “Extremely informative.” “They presented clear facts which I really appreciated.” This was no small feat as the briefing was organized for over 250 people.
As everyone in the military community knows, everything is subject to change and that was never more evident than when the Sea King accident took place on the Iroquois only four days out to sea and required its return to port. The Halifax MFRC only had a 20 minute head start to notify 300 families about the accident before a media briefing was to be held. With a staff of 20 (and the availability of extra personnel if required) the MFRC activated their family call out plan to notify the families of the ship’s return and the reason for it.
One might think that the callers would find apprehension and panic bounding through the telephone lines but instead, their calls were met with sincere appreciation and calmness. Quite often the resilience, strength and firm resolve of military spouses are underestimated. Yes, life can be difficult and yes, the lifestyle resembles an emotional yoyo – up one minute and down the next, but life goes on regardless of the situation.
To ask a military spouse how she feels as she watches her husband depart is an insensitive question. Unless you live the lifestyle it’s extremely difficult to comprehend the magnitude of these life changes. There is no question the sadness of the departure is there, the worry and concern for their partner’s safety and the apprehension of the long, lonely months ahead but each spouse will tell you: “I don’t want him to go, but it’s his job – it’s what he is trained to do and I support him”.
Having just experienced the emotional yoyo in full swing, families of the Iroquois will have a bit of a reprieve with the ship’s return – but then they will have to go through the whole emotional process all over again – and it’s never easy saying goodbye the second time around. “It has been a very upsetting day for sure, and here I was just getting myself into a routine and now he will come home and leave again.” You want that one more day, one more hour, one more hug. You want to prolong the inevitable.
With a normal six month rotation and the usual lead time to prepare, some families find that they just want their partners to go and get it over with. “The sooner he goes, the sooner he’ll be back” But with less than two weeks to come to terms with not just another separation but one that has added worry and anxiety, saying goodbye takes on a somewhat different intensity. Many have heard “I don’t know how you do it, I couldn’t” from their civilian acquaintances but what civilians don’t understand is that you marry the man and take on the lifestyle. They are a package deal. However, all that they see military spouses coping with that is outside of their own personal lifestyle isn’t thrust upon them all at once but over a period of time.
As one military wife put it: “Your friends become your family and your family becomes your friends”. With families most often thousands of miles away, they can only offer long distance support. But the friends you make in the military lifestyle have all ‘been there and done that’ and their support, especially at highly emotional times, can make the difference in coming to terms with all the challenges this lifestyle provides.
Military spouses are the backbone of the Canadian Armed Forces. They play an important supportive role although they seldom get the recognition they deserve. But as the 16th century author John Milton expressed, They also serve who only stand and wait.