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Life After.....
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Yes, there really is life after the military. For many, it means making a complete break from a lifestyle they have lived for most of their adult lives. For others, it means returning to the family roots after many years absence. And yet, others remain close to the last base their husbands served on. Ladies, wherever you have retired to, this page is for you. When your husband retires from his service with the military, it is your retirement too. This is your page to share your story and your experiences. Please share with us what 'retirement' has meant to you. Did your move 'back home' live up to your expectations or did you find after being away for so many years that friends and relatives had changed? Was it hard to fit into the 'back home' civilian atmosphere? Did the hopes of retirement providing more time to spend with your husband come true? After adjusting to being apart for a great deal of all those married years, how are you handling 'togetherness'. As one wife told me, they had retired to his home town, a small community far removed from any military base. She found she didn't have much in common with the relatives, and felt rather like an outsider at family gatherings because these ladies lives centered around family events, baby showers, family squabbles, home repairs, the latest town bylaw change etc. They didn't seem to know or care about world crises nor did they understand the role of the military wife. Another friend wrote that 'togetherness' wasn't all that it was made out to be. "Every time I turn around in the house, I'm bumping into him. I don't have my own space anymore and he really needs to get a life!" And yet, another friend and her husband set out on a world tour - taking a complete break from the military atmosphere and finally, after years of planning, lived their dream.
Do you have any advice for those nearing their retirement? Any do's and
don'ts? I want this page to be one that you ladies who have left the lifestyle
will enjoy visiting and hopefully share some of your experiences
with others.
We are looking forward to: * not having to get up at 0500 every work day; * having a leisurely morning coffee on the deck on a day other than a Saturday or Sunday and not feeling guilty when doing so; * replacing our old bikes with new ones and then proceeding to wear out the tires on the country roads south of Ottawa; * shoveling the snow off the driveway in the daylight; and * putting something off until tomorrow because we can - not because we don't have time to do it! I could add more to the list but I think it gives the idea. I have my hobbies and my husband has his hobbies. We do not want to spend every waking minute together. We have always set up our own retreat areas in our homes over the years and it has worked for us. We've earned our retirement and are both looking forward to the changes that it will bring and are looking forward to it. Leaving the military life behind will be difficult. There's many friends and even more memories that are part of who we are but we have some control over the future and how we want it to be for us. As Anne Frank said: The final forming of a persons character lies in their own hands. Anne Frank .....TC Hi
Dianne, I just finished reading your book My Love My Life. Thank you for
your time and your dedication that it must have taken to not only write
the book but also to do all the research. I really wish I had know about
this web site when I was involved in the military.
Life After….is there one? by Carolyn MacKinnon, Nova Scotia After being a “base brat”, I married into the military and after five years got divorced (the divorce had nothing to do with the military way of life) and was out of the loop for about 10 years. During the 10 years away from the military, I found that I missed the way of life and found myself “moving” numerous times on my own during the 10 years, from Victoria to Vancouver to Brandon to Rivers to Wainwright) some moves were within the same town/city but the “move” seemed to ease the “itchy feet” for a short period of time. I married back into the military and it felt like coming home. Within a couple of years we moved from Wainwright, AB to Calgary, to Chatham, NB. LOVED IT!!! Hubby had been in the military for 27 years, was offered an early retirement package, and took it. We retired to my husband’s home town, a small fishing village on the south shore of Nova Scotia (my family is in Alberta, NWT, Australia and BC) and have been here since 1992. Moving here was a HUGE culture shock for both myself and our daughter (mine from my previous marriage) finished her grade 12 here and took a college course and moved to Halifax. Hubby settled in fine, he has his sports, fishing and hunting and has “re-rooted” too well. He is happy being in one place, owning our own home, and we both work full time. Once in a long while I can guilt/force him into going more than 20 km away from the area we live in. Although I love my husband very much, I find that we seem to be growing apart in our new-found “togetherness”. Hubby’s son from his previous marriage lives in Alberta and I have been the one that has “gone home” to visit with our son, daughter in law and our grandchildren. Our daughter has been living in Halifax for 7 years now, and we have only managed to force him to go to Halifax for a visit once in the 7 years, actually he was blackmailed into the visit. His line is: “I traveled enough in the military”. It seems that if I want to go anywhere or see anything…I will be doing it on my own or with my daughter or friends. In a nutshell, twelve years after his release, I don’t like retirement. I feel “stuck” in one place, I miss the moving, meeting new people, even the PMQ’s. I even hate the house we bought because to me it is an albatross around my neck since we own it and it is one of the reasons for not moving (if it was rented, we could at least move to a house that looks different). The only thing that keeps me sane is my job....... Retirement for me was a complete break from the military, in that my husband and I separated and then divorced. We had been together for almost twenty-five years, and all that time he was in the Army. Suddenly I was no longer his wife, and no longer a part of the military 'family'. In many ways, leaving the military was at least as hard as leaving my husband. It was a way of life I had grown to love and feel a real part of.
I live in
England now, and still stay in touch with a few of my old friends from
the many postings
we shared. It's a funny feeling though... so may of them are still
'in', and I'm such an outsider,
at least in my own mind! Thanks for letting me write. Susan
For me, life after the military has been a little different than for most people. My husband was medically released from the forces although he was close to retirement when that happened. I can remember having this imaginary cloud hanging over my head - not knowing just when we would get his release message. The day it arrived, my husband was meeting me for lunch at a local restaurant. As he sat down, he handed me his release message. I can't begin to explain my reaction. I felt complete panic but also relief. I couldn't even eat my lunch. Panic, at leaving a lifestyle we had lived all our married life, but relief that now it was final, and we had to get on with our lives. Now that several years have passed, we have survived and don't miss the lifestyle. We still live near a military base, but don't get involved in military functions. We speak fondly of the way we spent our life in the military community, but I don't miss the moving nor do I miss my husband being away almost half of every year. However, it has been an adjustment as he is home all the time now. I still feel a need to 'have my own space', and manage that when I can. It's been a little difficult having him home all the time. At first I felt like he was 'invading my space', but it has been just as hard on him adjusting. But we are past that now, recognize the needs we each have to spend some time apart - whether I visit a girlfriend overnight or he goes fishing. I can honestly say that 'life after' is what you make of it. If you enter into this phase of your life knowing that more adjustments are going to have to be made, and you tackle these adjustments openly and honestly, then 'life after' will be another challenge, another adventure and one that can be full of surprises and satisfaction. Margaret P
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My
husband and I are both military. We will retire in July 2008 after 30 plus
years of service each. We've been given conflicting opinions on the subject of
retiring together: some say great idea - others say - not such a great idea as
one will not have time to adjust to having the other around full time!