A Vision of Military Spouses

Remember when you first became a military spouse how foreign everything was from your normal civilian life? Suddenly you had to contend with uniforms, globetrotting ranks, uprooting on a regular basis, temporary duty (TD), and so on. The problem was that you simply married into the military with nary a clue.

Well, no more. To correct this oversight, Potential Military Spouse Recruiting Centres have sprung up all over the country. Attendance is compulsory for anyone either engaged to a military person, dating one, casually seeing one or has the telephone number of one and may call sometime.

The center holds sessions that are presented by tall, slim, straight, polished and creased drill sergeants with roaring voices of 120 decibels and above. Every Monday morning in towns and cities across the country, 12,000 potential military spouse hopefuls jam into the centres and fill the two acres of tables and chairs.

Here the sergeant strides up and down the aisles and among the crowded tables on a very intimate basis. No microphone is necessary. When he suggests you listen up, everyone does. "Is there anyone here who doesn't like to travel?" he bellows. A dozen hands go up. "Would you people come up here? Yes, right beside me." the sergeant says. "So, you don't like to travel!" "No," says one "it's very upsetting - not to mention dangerous." "Show these people the door, please" says the sergeant. Four privates rush down and usher them out. "Don't like travel, huh. Wanna be lifeguards but don't like the water."

You are about to become navigators" he says. "Your spouse will drive all over the country, indeed all over the world while you navigate. You will be approaching a major city at 100 kilometers an hour with both kids in the back seat screaming for a pee and your spouse asking casually "What exit did you say was ours, sweetie? This one? Whoops, there she goes."

You will learn map reading coordinates - how to locate your new home by the stars. "How many of you know how to sew your own drapes and curtains? Show of hands, people!" Hands fly up everywhere. "Good. Research has shown that this talent alone will save you $280,000 over the span of a military career" he says. "I do not know how many homes you will live in during that time, but I can promise you two things. One, it will be a lot, and two, in that parade of homes no two windows will ever be the same size."

How about you, son. Know how to sew a curtain?" "No sir." "I am not a sir!" he bellows. "You see these stripes? They signify 'sergeant'. I still work for a living!" "Yes, si...sergeant" "Now son, who are you involved with in the military?" My fiancé is an Air Force pilot, sergeant." "Pilot," he mutters. "We'll put you down for the sewing course, son."

He moves on. "You have been issued a list of available courses, all designed to assist you in coping as a military spouse. Turn to page one now. Show of hands, people. How many wish to register for the first course listed - how to safely unpack broken dishes?" Hands everywhere. Fine, print your name in the blank space provided. How about 'Learning a foreign language with four days notice?" Hands. "How to repair a flat tire, lawn mower, refrigerator, and stove while spouse is on TD?" Hands.

"Very well, people. On your own time, print your name beside the courses you require. Then we will break one hour for lunch, return here and continue through the list. There are a ton of things to learn. Any questions? Yes, the lady over there." "Sergeant, how long will it take to become a fully proficient military spouse?" "Excellent question! As near as we can figure, you should be approaching it somewhere between 20 and 30 years."

Author Unknown